Assalammualaikum wr wb...

Weird title ? Am I loosing my faith ?

No, I'm not loosing my faith. I'm just thinking about the statement,

"Why God create differences when he has the power to make everything the same ?"

Such a powerful statement that can make one's brain burst thinking.

Yah, why the differences ? Because of the differences there's arguments, disagreements, debates, chaos, even war and many more. Because of these differences, barriers are created. Because of these differences, fear is created. I'm always very caution with the differences and fearful. Nevertheless, I also have thoughts and maybe hope that one can overcome such differences. Maybe one in a million, and I am not part of that "one".

When I first told a few of my close friends about the issue and even my mum for opinion, everyone says its very common these days. Don't need to worry. But I had a fear in me about the whole thing. Despite the fear, I don't understand why I still carry on and agree with them when deep in my heart, I know I'm going to fall and get hurt again. I just don't understand. Shouldn't I trust my own intuition, my own feelings, my own thought ? Why did I let others influence me ?

I just have myself to blame because despite knowing that I might obviously get hurt again, I still go ahead with it. I am such a dumb ass.

But when one thinks deeper, if god makes everything the same, wouldn't life be dull ? Would I be going through such pain ? We wouldn't know about that do we ?

And if everything is the same, we would not be able to learn from each other anything, we would not be able to experience anything and life will be such a bore and very very dull.

The funny thing is, despite knowing these and all those other things in my previous entry.. WHY DOES IT HURT SO MUCH ? I wish my heart works like my brain. I wish my heart is as strong as my mind. I wish things would turn out the way we always want them to. But life is full of unexpected twists and turns.

I'm just exhausted, drained and tired of the whole vicious cycle. Is life unfair ? I don't know. I guess we all have to accept things sincerely. No matter how sincere I am in accepting this, I still tear (cries) when typing this entry. I still don't understand why it have to hurt so much despite knowing and expecting it to come.

Wassalammualaikum wr wb...